Already got asked if we're dating
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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