I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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