Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
