if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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