Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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