does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
