I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
