oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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