I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Randomize
