all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
