my room smells like sperm. sweet.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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