then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
