she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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