DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
