My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
