I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
