she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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