I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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