Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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