It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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