Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Randomize
