In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
