Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
