he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
