what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
