I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
