I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize