Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize