singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
