Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize