# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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