My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
