it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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