someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
