The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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