I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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