When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Randomize
