I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
