I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
This is the high leading the old right now
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
