Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
