WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
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