What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
