dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Randomize
