I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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