How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
