Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
she peed on how many people?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
