I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I could fuck to npr.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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