My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
