i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
