My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
