i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
