Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
