idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
When did angry sex become our thing?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
