honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
