Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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