I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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