I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
