Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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