So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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