Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
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