sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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