Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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