I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
