Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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